Day 26

I went to my house today (the one that I am losing) and I cried for about 30 minutes you know the kinda crying when you can't catch your breath. I always wanted to live there see my grand kids climb the trees in the backyard and get a pool for them. I use to sit on the patio and dream about it. Well it was too much for one day. I thought after all the work,love and life that I put into that house to have to leave made me feel like what have I really accomplished in life. All my kids friends and family could feel the love that flowed in that house. Now I know that this is material but in most circle in life its about material things and not trying to keep up with the Joneses but just for your own satisfaction. What makes you feel like you have done something. I called my sister and talked to her and she told me all the things she sees I have accomplished and raising my kids to be adults with some sense and respect and not be in jail is a big accomplishment. It is more than anything I can gain materially but the material things sure can feel good too. So I cried because I wanted to and I think I deserved to cry and I'm not gone beat myself up about it.

I really do believe in astrology not the read the horoscope everyday although lately the daily horoscope has been on the money for me and I have been following it since the 1st. But being a Leo family and home life and being organized and having a plan mean a lot to me. When I have someone or something that I love I do it really hard and I mean really hard. That's why its so hard for me to let go of the house I put everything into it and its hard to leave even though it was way too big for one person. The kids were hardly ever there and would be leaving soon anyway so I look at as Gods way of telling me I don't have to clean so much anymore. I can take it a little easy and maybe focus on some other things. So I'm starting over again and this time I gotta take all the lessons with me and be wiser.

Yesterday I was doing the college thing with my youngest son who waited till the last minute to do things. Then I realize that while I was helping him at the school the major shift bid was going on at work, yes on my day off so I missed that... So who knows what my schedule will be for the next year, but my son is in college and hopefully he will make enough money to take care of me when I get old.

Didn't work out yesterday or today so I'm sorer (if that is a word) than ever. I won't be able to go tomorrow either I got a job after work to take care off.

I am happy that I decided to write in such an open forum I know most people wouldn't do it but it actually is making me feel better and the responses are very encouraging. Thanks to all who have been reading and telling me to keep it up and the person who added themselves as a follower with no email address or information. Don't think I don't know who you are, you not that slick. You don't have to check to see what I may say about you I'll never reveal your name. But I am gonna talk about it.