May 17th

Its been so long since I have written anything and I have so much to say. This blog is about my life and how to get it moving again. I have gone thru so much since the last post and as I was talking to some very supportive friends and have come to realize that this is my way of moving forward. Its not about who reads it or what they get from it or what they think about me. This time its all about me and how I feel and what I am doing and how I am thinking about things.

So I decided since I have been counseling friends and family (for free) for over 20 years and have helped others in their life, its time for me to take my own advice. So I am going to evaluate the last few months which have been really hard and get thru it, learn from it and move on. Because I have somewhere to be, something to do and I am holding myself back from getting there and doing it.

So the first thing on my agenda it to analyze what made me stop writing my blog which made me so happy to write.

First off it was some comments I was getting from very negative people to say the least and they were not directed to me these people went to friends of mine, how childish. Second and the most serious reason is because I didn't want people to think badly of the person that I loved and that was my husband, but with what I have gone thru with him in the last few months I cant worry about that either, it is what it is.

Now I thought about writing again over the last few months but I couldn't put pen to paper and make sense of what I was feeling or doing I should have kept writing just to think my way thru it. A lesson so very well learned.

My emotions have been up and down like a fucking wild ass roller coaster without any course, well as of today I am know I have to make a course for myself and will outline once I write it down.

Since the last post valentines day, my anniversary, my business not succeeding, pass bank overdraft issues, IRS issues, car issues, money issues and not being able to pay my rent have all been there and pulling at my attention and emotions. Not leaving any room to figure out how to take care of me. I have been having back and shoulder issues for some weeks now(due to the poor ass chairs at work). I went to the doctor and he has me on some muscle relaxants and anti-inflammatory pills which all work fine, but if I miss a day its like hell. Similar to missing your birth control pill for one day, all you can think about is the agony of missing that one little pill. Only you can walk and I can't.

So my goal is to write as often as I can and take this time out for myself because it makes me feel good. So as I mentioned when i first started this blog if you don't like it ON TO THE NEXT ONE....

So my next post will have my goals short term and long term goals.... and right now that may only be goals for the next week LOL!!!!! we shall see ....